Swiss Bank Account - How to open one?

Wow, Finally i got a cool topic.. Swiss bank, most of our politicians, businessmen and tax evaders have an account there. So as Indian citizens, we should know how our billionaires opening Swiss bank accounts. 

• Who can open a Swiss bank account?                                            Any one with money can open an account in Swiss bank, There is no race, country differences in Swiss bank. You must be 18 years old then. Till now there are 101 country nationals have an account in Swiss bank. You must give your passport size photos( 2 nos), identity proof and address proof (..like opening a State bank account). But they say nowadays Swiss bank acting tough with new customers(But if you have damn money, then you are OK..). There are many private agencies for new account openings.
• The agencies even help you to open your account through postal mode, for that you have to send a copy of your passport and for address proof you have to send a copy of your phone bill or Electricity bill.You must say that what is your financial background and how did you get the money which you are gonna deposit in the bank(no one gonna tell the truth..). Your info is secret always. 
• How far it take?                                                                      If you go there it will only take 3 hours, By Postal it will take 10 days.
• Is there any Minimum Balance limit?                                                                         There is no minimum balance limit there (Maximum balance limit there?..) . you need 500 Swiss franks to open an account in Swiss bank.But some banks have the minimum balance conditions and its just 1 million Swiss franks( 53 Crores in Indian Rs..).
• What are the deposit modes?                                                                                 Credit cards.. you can use your credit card third party payment processor for deposit(through this no one can find that who depositing the money..)..and you can make  money order, personal check deposits too.
• Is there any branches available in India or other countries?                                                          No.. There is no branches for Swiss bank.
• Why Swiss Bank?                                                                                                                              Switzerland, a No War country.. Since 1505 Switzerland never was in the war with any country..So there is political stability. Swiss using gold for money transactions, So Swiss Frank is a stable currency in the world.   Net banking, EMI deposit modes,Customer service and most importantly Secrecy. Your account details never been shared with anyone unless you have a criminal backgrounds(but tax evaders are criminals huh..)These are the factors  that makes Swiss bank as it is.
• If customer dead, what about the account?                                                                                      Nominee.. That's the option, But you have to prove it to the bank..the bank never easily trust anyone. But for celebrities, politicians it is easy. If a nominee legally failed to prove or no one claim the account more than 10 years, The account will be inactive and funds.. forget it. But Swiss bank getting nominee details to avoid the mess.
• How to close an account?                                                                                         You can close your account any time, But if the amount was big it will take one or two days for withdrawals. There is no charges for account closing. 

I feel nostalgic here... When we all get Swiss Bank account like our Indian billionaires..